7 Things Men Think Women Care About But Really Don’t

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First of all, this list was compiled by my wife and business partner who asked twelve of her female friends to contribute.

Bottom line is, if a woman is really interested in you, the seven things we discuss here, may be nice to have but they’re definitely not a NEED to have.

Fortune

They also don’t care about the price of your car, your luxury watch, or the fact that you buy the most expensive dinner in town. However, they definitely care if the main fixation in your life is money or not. Most of the time, your work ethic, your passion, your ambition, and your hobbies matter more than your bank account.

This approach can be extended to many things; it’s less about what you have but what you make with what you have. If a woman is just interested in how much money you make, it’s probably not a good idea to date her in the first place.

When I met my wife in 2006, I was a broke student and couldn’t offer her anything financially, nevertheless, she fell in love with me and I knew she was into me because there wasn’t anything else. So you could almost argue that being poor in a way helps you in this point because people really only are interested in you and they spend time with you because of you and not because of anything else.

Physique

In fact, all the women we talked to preferred that you weren’t. Why? You might wonder. Well if you spent all the time in the gym and you’re very ripped yourself as a man, that may be intimidating to the woman and she might feel like you judge her all the time which can be unhealthy for the relationship.

Maybe they think you look at every flaw they have or that you judge their work ethic. It definitely makes women feel self-conscious especially if they don’t have the same lifestyle approach as you do. It might also come across as you’re just vain and that you just care about your appearance more so than you about her and spending time with her.

Man pointing thumbs at himself
Some women care about men’s physical appearance.

Size Of Your Manhood

99% percent of all women out there don’t care about your penis size. Many men out there think that the size of their penis is really important and the bigger the better, not just for their ego, but also to satisfy women. In reality, the vast majority of penis sizes out there are just fine for most women.

In fact, most women consider your size to be non-criteria in the first place. Why? Well, it doesn’t say anything about you as a person and it doesn’t even say whether you’re good in bed or not. The size of your penis should never be a measure of your self-confidence or your self-worth in life.

Women care more about your personality and your attentiveness in bed and outside of bed. Are you just as happy to give as to receive? Do you ask questions? Do you want to please her? These are all questions you should ask instead of focusing on the size. In all honesty, men who are fixated on their penis size likely have an issue with their self-confidence. Ultimately, women don’t care and neither should you.

Vulnerability

A lot of men think it’s unsexy or unmanly to show feelings and be vulnerable, however, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Most women are attracted to men who are emotionally stable and who can express their feelings. I think a lot of men don’t want to show emotions because they feel like they need to save face from other men who might judge them as weak. However, most women find it very sexy if men can express their feelings especially in their presence and it creates a stronger bond.

What does emotionally stable mean? Well basically, women like men who can cry when they watch a movie if they feel like it. In general, it means that men are willing to show their emotions, particularly in a private situation when they’re overmanned by their feelings. Now, it doesn’t mean that you should cry every time in public that you have a disagreement because that’s very unsexy.

Overall, being vulnerable and capable of expressing one’s feelings the relationship is very important especially if done so in a genuine way.

Putting Them On A Pedestal

Some men like to put women on a pedestal and compliment them all day long, however, that’s not what most women actually want. In fact, many women don’t like to be worshipped. Yes, everyone likes a genuine compliment every once in a while but if you’re being put on a pedestal all the time, it can lead to a disconnect between you as partners.

Most women want a connection with you and they want to be treated as an equal to you, not as something that is superior or inferior. They may also feel that they can’t be vulnerable themselves or share things because that would crush the illusion of that perfect body or that perfect woman. Being idealized as a woman can be very flattering in the beginning but long-term, it likely has strong consequences.

At the end of the day, nobody is perfect and everybody has flaws and it’s important to be able to talk about them and not being in that mindset that everything has to be perfect because that will lead to a woman feeling she has to wear makeup at night so she looks perfect when she wakes up. If you put a woman on a pedestal, chances that your relationship will break apart and you’ll both walk away disappointed are very high.

Superficiality

Don’t tell a woman she’s gorgeous looking all the time. Yes, it’s okay to compliment your spouse and your partner or the women in your life, however, if you repeatedly just tell them that they look gorgeous, it becomes old quite quickly.

Also, if you just give compliments based on her appearance, she might feel that all you care about is the way she looks, not her as a person. So instead of complimenting her on looking gorgeous, focus on the things that she does actively and the things that she cares about. If you can come up with a compliment about that, it will be much more gratifying and better in the long run for your relationship.

George Clooney happy to look his age with salt and pepper hair
George Clooney happy to look his age with salt and pepper hair [Image Credit: GQ]

Vanity

Most men are really into their hair but in reality, most women don’t care much or not at all about your graying hair or your receding hairline. Many women also associate gray hair with maturity which is a big plus for us men. Most women also don’t care about the receding hairline, they care about your character, your humor, and the way you are as a person.

For example, just take a look at Jason Statham who doesn’t have much hair or George Clooney who has a lot of gray hair. They are still very popular actors. So if you’re on your 20s, 30s, or 40s, and your hair is getting grayer or you’re losing hair, just own it and have it be part of your personality.

The worst thing you can do is trying to cover it up by dyeing your hair because it’s always painfully obvious and most people will see it especially women and question you and your self-confidence. Honestly, it just makes it look worse than in your natural state and because of that, you should simply just not do it.

Outfit Rundown

Raphael's sport coat combination consisting of brown herringbone jacket, burgundy vest and gray slacks.
Raphael’s sports coat combination consists of a brown herringbone jacket, burgundy vest, and gray slacks.
Caramel and Dark Burgundy Shadow Stripe Ribbed Socks Fil d'Ecosse Cotton

Fort Belvedere

Caramel and Dark Burgundy Shadow Stripe Ribbed Socks Fil d'Ecosse Cotton

A photograph of a Wine Red, Yellow,Blue, Green, Orange Silk Wool Medallion Pocket Square

Fort Belvedere

Wine Red, Yellow,Blue, Green, Orange Silk Wool Medallion Pocket Square

Eagle Claw Cufflinks with Tiger's Eye Balls - 925 Sterling Silver Gold Plated

Fort Belvedere

Eagle Claw Cufflinks with Tiger's Eye Balls – 925 Sterling Silver Gold Plated

Wool Challis Tie in Olive Green with Small Geometric Pattern in Red and Orange

Fort Belvedere

Wool Challis Tie in Olive Green with Small Geometric Pattern in Red and Orange

It consists of a brown herringbone jacket that is single-breasted and I am pairing it with a burgundy vest a blue and white linen striped shirt with cufflinks for French cuffs. I chose to go with some gold-tone and Tiger’s eye cufflinks in brown that match the color of my shoes and the character of the outfit. The tie is a red-green orange wool challis tie and it picks up tones from my outfit and ties it all together.

And to contrast that, I chose a pair of brownish-gray slacks with a fine orange stripe that again works well with the overall color scheme of this outfit. My pocket square is made out of wool-silk blend and it picks the colors of blue and orange and red as well as green to tie it all together. For my shoes, I opted for a medium antique brown derby shoe with wingtips that go well with my cufflinks as well as with my jacket. The socks are shadow stripes and the color tone goes well with my overall warm outfit.

Do you agree with our list? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences below!

Reader Comments

  1. You are absolutely right.
    One comment, my girl does appreciate hair and wants me to look good. Of course she wants a good looking guy, but like you said, it’s all about your character, your heart and how you love her. The deeper things in life are more important.

    1. Spot on. Taking care of yourself and having a healthy interest in maximising your looks is a sign of intelligence, but does not override the other things.

  2. “In fact, most women consider your size to be nun criteria in the first place.”

    Best.misprint.ever! :-D

  3. These are just the stereotypical things that women will tell you are important or unimportant to them. However this not necessarily true. Much of what women will report on this subject is actually predicated on what they want others to think of them. In other words they want to present themselves as not being superficial or concerned with money ext. In fact, women are very concerned in general with money and success in a man as women prize security. Later in life when more secure and settled these things become less important as she now seeks love and companionship. Oh and women do care about size. They don’t care for gigantic but they also would rather not have minuscule. They will tell the less endowed guy that they don’t care but again this is because they are concerned with how they will be perceived. Wise up brother.

    1. There is a phenomenon among both men and women that they repeat cliches that align them with peers – women will say things and so will men (extol pneumatic blondes for instance) but in reality, if you ask a woman or man in private what they really like, or are really attracted to, you get a different story. I’ve never met another woman who seeks muscular with large penis, and I certainly don’t seek that, so yes it’s more myth than not and women and men who really do chase those cliches really don’t know what they really want. I’d steer clear. However I know SO MANY women who call themselves sapio-sexual – they chase men who have depth of intellect or at least meet the criteria in this good article.

  4. Boy, what a relief! And here I thought (after handling hundreds of divorces), that money was a key factor for females in relationships between the sexes. All the women I knew who were concerned with the type of car, house, assets etc. a man had were just kidding about that. It wasn’t important at all. Now for those of you who actually believe that, I have some Idaho oceanfront property you’re just going to love! If interested, just contact the Easter Bunny or the Great Pumpkin.

    1. Lol. Of course there are women who care about your money, but those are not the ones you want to be associate with. Of course, as a lawyer we always have a somewhat sarcastic outlook because we see day in and day out what happens when things go wrong.

      1. It does create a sampling bias. If you’re dealing with people’s problems and conflicts as a matter of course, day in and day out, you will not, by nature, generally see people who are operating either rationally or are perhaps the best people to begin with. Divorce especially. When younger, I worked customer service and I had to remind myself that people were contacting me because I was the one who could fix things when everything had gone wrong for them, and it was a struggle to keep a positive outlook on humanity as a whole because of that.

      2. Things go wrong 50% of the time, keep that in mind. Lucky for us, Mr. Schneider, you decided to make the world a more pleasant place, rather than practicing divorce law.

  5. Years ago I read from an obscure GBS play a line I’ve never forgotten. A wise mother was advising your nubile daughter about the important things to seek in a prospective mate, “Leadership without domination, guidance without ruling.” That of course was written back in a much earlier day but still has merit.

    1. If you read this mother’s advice as if it were given to a son, it would sound strange. But given to a daughter, particularly in the early 20th century, it does seem wise and sensible, as women generally had no hope of leading or guiding themselves. In 2018, most of us prefer mates who participate, are responsible, and know the value of compromise.

  6. OK, so, women like men who are vulnerable and don’t compliment them constantly. Sounds good. Did any of the 13 women bother to explain why their hearts skip a beat about bad boys who are scruffy? That’s what I want to hear explained. We go to great lengths to be gentlemen and dress well, be well groomed and they drop dead over some guy in a T-shirt and jeans who looks like he hasn’t bathed in a month. Explain that, please!

    1. Men have particular tastes too that intelligent women complain about. Barely articulate pneumatic blondes? Explain that. I think it’s over stated and a bit of a myth personally, or else applies to one night stand fantasy scenarios. The “bad boys” charm wears off very quickly.

    2. Women also like a certain element of danger/excitement. Which is why a gentleman must still be a man at heart. A “bad boy” has the beast inside unleashed. Too many “good guys” have beaten (or have had beaten) the beast in to a simpering, tail-between-the-legs cur. A gentleman has tamed the beast and uses it’s power in a controlled way. I don’t know if I can get this over correctly in a comment box like this, but it’s part of the (short term) allure of a bad guy for a lot of women.

  7. Rufus you’ve got it spot on, at least in my experience. It’s so totally false that women don’t care about a man’s money.

    1. Yes, Mark. Unfortunately many women are more atracted for the wealth than for the personality of a man. Money is mandatory in this world.

    2. That is because men have all the money in this world. If it were not so, we’d have common scenarios of wealthy women beating off men who want them for theirs. We know this happens too, but more often its the other way. If it’s the only way women can get their share of resources that’s what you get. If in any doubt about the imbalance, you have head buried in the ground, just read about what women give up in their lives to end up with poor superannuation for example, because their contributions in life are poorly paid if paid at all.

  8. When I was gainfully employed, a thousand years ago, a bunch of co-workers(both female and male) and I were talking over drinks after work, and this subject came up. The three top answers from the women were in order

    1. A good sense of humor
    2. A good kisser
    3. a nice butt

  9. Women are strange creatures. Not only do they not want what they say they want, they don’t want what they THINK they want.

    Would Donald Trump, in his late 50s, have bedded all those hot young women and got Melania to marry him if he had not been a billionaire?

    Also, in my experience most women are turned on by a larger than normal manhood; they just won’t admit it to themselves.

    1. If I didn’t know better I’d say you are a pick-up artist. A most pitiable business, I must say, but adorable at the same time. It’s always cute to hear advice from your kind.

      Donald Trump is an interesting case. It’s true he wouldn’t have got so many young women into bed if he hadn’t been a billionaire, but this can mostly be reduced to the fact that firstly he wouldn’t have much to offer without his money. And what victory can we talk about in attracting a gold digger?

      I take it you are a bachelor enjoying their life. There is nothing bad as such in it, but time will come when you might realize that the women you attracted with your tricks might have expressed quite a different opinion about you behind your back.

      1. I’m certain the first lady married Donald Trump for his compassion and complimentary ways. LOL!

        1. Touché. Of course you are right, some women just care about the money and I am certain you will find women who like all the things we said they don’t. Also, there are men out who just care about the looks of a woman.
          Our point is, that it is not worth trying to impress women who just want access to your wallet.

          Of course, if you try to impress with your wealth, it attracts a certain kind of woman and detracts another. At the end, it’s each to his own.

      2. Hardly any kind of “pick-up artist.” Must credit Sven and this site for upping my sartorial game, though. Women do rate a man by his clothes, judging his competence in choosing a wardrobe to other talents….

        But ultimately it’s not your clothes, your car, or your body, it’s your mouth. As Voltaire said:

        “If she will give me five minutes to talk away my ugly face, I can bed the queen of France.”

    2. Melania kept her back muscles in shape by gold digging. She really loves Trump for himself, not his money. See how she’s always holding his hand?

  10. Just remember …
    Telling an angry woman to calm down has as much utility as baptizing a cat.
    Paul

  11. Now I’ve finally got the formula…

    I’m going to put my empty money clip on the counter in front of the mirror, strip down and look at my scrawny arms, little penis, and grey hair. I will then start crying hysterically. The babes will come running!!! NOT

  12. I think it really depends not only on the type of woman and her interests and tastes but also on how your range of interests and hobbies is related to your life and personality. A woman perhaps does not know anything about collecting vintage watches or painting model soldiers but she will respect your hobbies and knowledge about these niche subjects. Afterwards if you put your watches or model soldiers on a pedestal and before her, things will be different.
    Size, physique (not like a bodybuilder under steroids for sure) will help and will not be disliked but they have to be part of the package. Knowing things about History, languages and specific subjects will fascinate women but you don’t have to be pedantic.
    …and most of the ladies I met really appreciated a classic menwear style just because it is classic, it communicates something, also your self confidence. In fact I often got compliments and interest from girls full of piercings and tattoos for that tweed jacket or madder tie I was wearing.

  13. I’m not sure why this article is on GG..? A survey of 12 women is hardly comprehensive. Or very useful.

    Back to menswear please. GG does that so well.

  14. Everything in this article is about a 180 from reality. Women may “say” these things but it’s not the reality; if this is “Svens” take then more power to him but again, not reality.

  15. 1) Fortune
    Numerous studies have shown that men with a perceived higher monetary value are seen as more attractive to women. So while your anecdotal evidence might be heartwarming, if you had more wealth, that would have only increased your value in the eyes of the *majority* of women.

    2) Physique
    This aspect is linked to how well women think a man can take care of them. While its true you may not need to be built like the rock to attract girls, gaining muscle tone and working out can only help your perceived attractiveness.

    3) Manhood
    100% true with a few caveats. If its too small to be noticeable or too big to even attempt intercourse, those are severely limiting factors in a relationship.

    4) Vulnerability
    Closing off 100% of the time is never a good thing and is unhealthy. That being said, bitching about your problems constantly to your SO is not a good idea. The best place to talk out your problems is with your close friends, because those are generally the people that stick with you through thick and thin, whereas relationships end.

    5&6) I agree.

    7) Vanity
    Women do care if men put time into their appearance. What puts them off is if it is all you care about.

    1. Regarding number 7: I think women draw the line when a man spends more time in the bathroom than they do! They don’t want to marry another woman. Haha

  16. Women test men with regularity. They may not even know they are doing it. It’s a test of your confidence, to see if you’re a self-assured guy or a pushover. They want to see how much they can get away with. When women do these little tests they don’t want you to agree with them, they actually find it more attractive when you call their bluff. In other words, they find it more attractive when you don’t put up with their BS. Like, “honey take me shopping.” Pushover: “Oh kaay.” Real man: “Haha, take you shopping. Your closet is about to burst.” If a woman can push you around so easily, it’s unattractive to her because you might not be good mate material. It shows that you will let other people push you around too. This explains why women find a Bad Boy so appealing. They might be rough or even dangerous looking guys but they are attractive on a primal level for being good mate material: Someone who will probably protect them and provide safety. A gentleman can still attract women without being a gang banger or MMA fighter. It takes the courage and confidence to say no, politely but firmly. To realize that your existence doesn’t revolve around pleasing her or catering to her every whim. Women would prefer if you carried yourself with conviction and showed direction in your life. Their little tests are like kicking the tires, they want to see if we’re solid or flimsy. If we are too flimsy they will eventually abandon ship and find a more solid ship to sail with. This may make women seem fickle but it’s an evolutionary strategy embedded in who they are. They want to be with a confident mate who doesn’t tolerate being pushed around. We can either accept this fact about women or live out lives of frustration, wondering why nice guys always finish last?

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