I am currently 34 but my life has changed a lot and is dramatically different than it was 10 or 15 years ago. Today, I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self a few things that would help me tremendously, however, that’s not possible so I hope you can learn from my experiences.
- 1.You Cannot Save Your Way To Prosperity.
- 2. If It Makes Financial Sense, Set Aside Your Pride.
- 3. College & Graduate Schools Are Not Always Worth It.
- 4. If You Can Dream It, You Can Build It!
- 5. Abort Mission if Something Isn’t Working for You.
- 6. Thinking Too Much or Too Little About the Future Can Hurt You.
- 7. Life Can Sweep the Rug Out from Under You at Any Time.
- 8. You Can Teach Yourself Anything.
- 9. Consult Mentors & Organizations.
- 10. Delegate, Delegate, Delegate!
- BONUS TIp: Dress Up a Bit More Than Everyone Else.
1.You Cannot Save Your Way To Prosperity.
Growing up, I always tried to save money to do things myself, to not splurge on restaurants or unnecessary things. In many ways, I’m very proud of that because it taught me a good lesson of even making the most of other things when you don’t have a lot. However, eventually, my father-in-law, Tom, shared a story at a point where he realized that he could not save himself into wealth and instead just had to make more money so he could get the things and do the stuff he wanted to do.
That really rang home with me, up until then, I was just comfortable where I was at and I was just trying to make as much out of what I had as possible. That meant I never really got the things that I truly wanted but just the things that were at an extremely good value ratio, things that were on sale, things that were good deals, things from vintage stores that are very inexpensive. Now, once Tom shared his experiences, it really dawned on me, rather than just trying to save more money and do the things I don’t really want to do simply because they’re inexpensive, it is better to simply make more money so you can get exactly the things you want and do exactly the stuff you want without having to compromise.
To me, this was almost a liberating experience because I knew where my path was going forward. So if you feel stuck at where you are at, maybe just working harder where you are is not the solution, maybe you simply have to change the game and do something completely different, even if that means a pay cut in the beginning but ultimately, it may lead to more prosperity and ultimately, freedom.
2. If It Makes Financial Sense, Set Aside Your Pride.
It’s a lesson I learned in my early 20s. My wife was doing a day job and I was working on the Gentleman’s Gazette and I was not really contributing anything to our household income. Then, my wife lost her job and we could have gotten by taking low paid hourly jobs but her parents offered to help us. Initially, I wasn’t happy with that because I have always been raised to be very independent but we thought about it and agreed to take them up on their offer to help because it enabled us to pursue the things we wanted to do. My wife got an MBA and I continued with Gentleman’s Gazette which eventually would lead us to financial independence. I realized that starting off on a good financial foundation was more important than my personal pride.
So what did I learn from it? If someone offers you genuine help, take them up on it, especially if it’s family. That may also mean that living with your parents is your best option even though you could afford an apartment but at the same time, if you live at home, you may be able to pay down your student loans more quickly. On the flip side, that means you never want to take advantage of other people and you really want to work towards a point where you can thank them for your help but discontinue it simply because you can now support yourself. I find that doing this in a very planned manner enables you to just rely on help for a short amount of time and then really stand on your own feet which can feel very liberating and accomplished.
3. College & Graduate Schools Are Not Always Worth It.
I know it’s a hot topic right now with rising costs and more students graduating with tons of debt. Personally, I went to law school in Germany but a year in, I realized I hated it and after the internships, I also never wanted to work in law, however, at the time, I would have created all of the debt if I would have just dropped out so I just stuck with the school. Looking back, if I had just started my business right then and there, I’d probably be much further ahead today, I would have also learned a lot very early on, at the same time, I would likely not have met my wife because I met her during an exchange semester in 2006.
That being said, for someone weighing going to college or not today, I think it really pays to ask yourself “Why am I going to college? Do I just go so I can party hard and have to wait until my grown-up responsibilities set in?” Or do you maybe just go to college without knowing what you really want just because everyone else in your peer group is going. If those are your main motivators, maybe this is not the time for you to go to college. After all, these are two very expensive reasons and you may end up with debt for a very long time.
4. If You Can Dream It, You Can Build It!
Growing up, I was never really exposed to entrepreneurship. My parents were employed, their friends were employed, and I simply didn’t know anyone who was an entrepreneur. Because of that, I thought naturally, my future would be as an employee, however, it took me some time to realize that I never performed my best when I was an employee but I was much more content and satisfied when I was working for my own. Looking back, deep down, I knew I wanted to do something by myself but I simply didn’t have the guts or to believe that I could do it. So if I knew that if I can dream it, I can build it, I probably would have started my business earlier.
5. Abort Mission if Something Isn’t Working for You.
It can be relationships, it can be ideas or business ideas, or just something that you’re working on, maybe a job. Personally, I ended up graduating from law school in Germany even though I knew I hated it a year in. Then when I came to the US, the economy was bad and I told myself that if I want to be attractive in the job market, I need to have a degree from an American University. So the easiest way was to get a Masters of Law from an American University, of course, in law school, even though it was something I knew I didn’t like.
If you take a step back, you can see it’s this sunk cost trap. You already invested money in it, it has gotten you so far, and it’s now easiest to just take that next step in that same direction even though you know it’s the wrong direction. I’ve seen it over and over again with friends, they get to a certain level, they adapt to a certain lifestyle and to a certain paycheck, and now they’re afraid to take the pay cut and pursue something they really want to do simply because they’re afraid that it would throw things off and they don’t know how to pay for their bills but honestly, they would be happier if they would just pursue their passion and not the paycheck.
6. Thinking Too Much or Too Little About the Future Can Hurt You.
Yes, it’s good to think about the future but to also live in the present. For example, when I met my wife, Teresa, we were both broke. I was going to school in Germany, I had to go back and if you would look at it from a very objective rational point of view, looking at the future, you’d probably say there are probably no chances for this to go well. Well now, I’ve been married to my wife over nine years, we have a daughter, we have a successful business, a house, and we’re extremely happy together. So sometimes, it pays to really live fully in the moment and take it step by step if it feels right.
7. Life Can Sweep the Rug Out from Under You at Any Time.
In 2012, both of my parents were diagnosed with cancer within months of each other. My mom had breast cancer, my dad pancreatic cancer and we thought they were going to die. At the time, we didn’t have much money but probably just enough for a plane ticket to go over there and spend the rest of their lives with them together, as I thought. Fortunately, as events turned out, they are both in remission now, they’re both alive and happy but having a little buffer that allows you to either help out people that are very dear to your heart or just visit a family member when you really needed is extremely available and it just shows you, you can prepare for the future but you can never really prepare for all the eventualities. So again, it’s good to plan but live in the moment and understand that you can’t just prepare for everything out there and you have to take things as they come to you.
8. You Can Teach Yourself Anything.
I probably would have second-guessed my desire to go to law school if I knew that I could learn things at first and figure out if there was something that I want to pursue or not. That being said, aside from law school, I’m pretty much self-taught. I never knew anything about websites when I started the Gentleman’s Gazette so I learned it. I learned about WordPress, about SEO, URLs, servers, hosting, and how the whole internet works. With the Internet today, you can truly learn anything, there’s a course for everything, there are free resources, just like the Gentleman’s Gazette where we teach you how you can become a gentleman and dress up and become your best version of yourself. Even today, I’m a big believer in learning.
9. Consult Mentors & Organizations.
You should consult mentors or organizations with like-minded people that can really help you grow from a business point of view but also personally. I started the Gentleman’s Gazette in 2010 and for the first five years, I was pretty much on my own. Eventually, through a meet up that I went to twice, I met someone and he was part of an organization called Entrepreneurs’ Organization and they had an accelerator program helping smaller businesses. It costs $1,500 a month and at that point in time, I had never spent that amount of dough on anything in terms of training, however, it was a fantastic experience where I could learn from experts in their field as well as peers that were in the same shoes and had the same problems as I did.
10. Delegate, Delegate, Delegate!
It’s particularly true for entrepreneurs but honestly, it is true for anyone out there and it’s one of the ways to truly become happier. When I moved to the US, my mindset was that I could either pay someone to do things or I could just do it myself and save the money. So I would always end up doing things myself, sometimes it would take me way longer and I did a much crappier job than if I would have just hired it out. Time is the only truly limited resource we all have and if you can free things up and let experts do the things, you can focus on what makes you really happy or makes you more money.
BONUS TIp: Dress Up a Bit More Than Everyone Else.
Now, that’s a bold statement and of course, there is no point in showing up in a tuxedo outfit to a baseball game but what I rather mean by that is you can always dress up in your environment a few notches up.
Thought provoking article. At 64 years of age I’ve got a few years on you. If there is one thing I would do over it would be to spend more quality time with my children. Working two jobs during those early lean years, then working even more as I climbed the corporate ladder took a terrible toll on my family life. My advice to all young fathers is to put your family first. You can always make more money, but you can never replace lost opportunities to show your family that you value them by being there for them.
Very true. I didn’t have kids in my 20s so it did not make the list, but not having spent enough time with loved ones is a regret many people share before they die.
Excellent list. I’ve now seen 65 years go by, and here are a few things that I am passing along to my grandchildren:
1) Some things just need to be memorized. Learn how to systematically memorize lists, names, etc. “Moonwalking With Einstein” is a good book on the topic.
2) Learn self-confidence and how to deal with people. “Win the Crowd” is a book that will be part of their homeschooling when they get a bit older.
3) Understand the power of networking. There are lots of good books on the topic. Build connections early, maintain them, and build a reputation as someone valuable to know.
4) Learn to deal with public speaking. Everyone fears it. Everyone. That’s one reason why a good public speaker is admired. Learn the tricks to being a good public speaker and then take opportunities to practice it.
5) Decide what you want out of life. Do want lots of money? Fine, but are you willing to trade time for money? Time is irreplaceable. Time spent with your family is never wasted time. Choose wisely.
6) Like clothing, your speech and your writing say a lot about you. Don’t allow yourself to get sloppy with your language, whether spoken or written.
7) Finally, think long term. You have a past and a future, as well as the present. Be willing to sacrifice in the present in order to reap far greater rewards in the future.
Thanks for sharing, Stephen!
I am 68, on my third career and now discovered your publication which is dedicated men’s style. I enjoy the videos and helpful hints.
Well done and thank you.
We appreciate the support, Ladson!
Spend one’s entire working life trying to make more and more money is not the kind of advice I would give.
Agreed, money is not the solution and it is not my driver, passion is.
Now, when you are penny-pinching, you are making choices based on the money. I have found that trying to make more and then do exactly the stuff you want is a lot better. That does not mean money solves all problems, but not having to worry about it and being able to follow your passion is great.
our path is the prologue we bring with us daily.The times we trip and fall as well as the triumphs.
If we never struggle the wins won’t feel special
Raphael,
Thank you so much for sharing. In the social media age, everyone is always marketing themselves and many are suffering trying to keep up with the amazing lives they believe others are living. But in truth, no one finds happiness and fulfillment in life without some struggle along the way. It takes a lot of courage to be so open so that others can benefit from your mistakes.
Your sincerity and passion for what you have built is obvious to your readers. While fashion may seem a triviality to some compared to, for instance, “THE LAW”, your work is also about bringing bride and elegance to everyday life, paying attention to the little things, and making each moment a special one.
Not all of us will agree with your entire list because not everyone values everything the same. But your lessons are about being true to one’s self–what makes you tick, what brings you joy, and what you aspire to. If we follow that, no matter what life throws at us, we can make it a success.
“Why are you so dressed up?” “It’s Wednesday!” My favorite line of yours. Each day is precious.
Thank you for your kind words!
Hi, Raphael!
Very enjoyable entry. Being 64(sigh), I could go back to many previous decades in an attempt to tutor my younger self, but then all of those life lessons would not have been learned.
If anything, I would have told my younger self to take up weight training. I didn’t start until I was 28, and it has made such an improvement in my life, my mind, discipline, and proper diet.
Besides being a musician, I have also had a ten year career, back in the 1990’s, in the purchasing and reselling of used books and magazines, which was really enjoyable, daily frequenting Thrift Stores and auctions, and coming across some really cool items. But, by 2000, the writing was on the wall concerning the written word, compared to the digital age and the internet.
Also wondering if you have knowledge of a fairly famous German born, American actor by the name of Eric Braeden? He was born in 1941, in Bredenbek, Germany(near Kiel), with his original name of Hans-Jorg Gudegast, immigrated to America in 1959, and has appeared in over 120 movies and television appearances, most notably for 40 years on The Young & The Restless(Daytime Drama on CBS). His diction is quite impeccable, just like yours.
Oh, and just out of curiosity, what is your favorite choices as far as music is concerned?
JC
Be encouraging to yourself and learn to be your own best friend .
Keep a cool head and make your snap decisions over a long period of time and study
Tip #1 and #2 may be connected. I thought over your tip #1 and thought about how someone can save a little bit of money but give it away. Saving might not make you, yourself, prosperous but it can help someone else to simply live, in a pinch. It’s not really a savings plan but it is a plan to develop better characteristics by counteracting greed or miserliness! Someone just working to accumulate money is a bad trait, neglecting family and other more gentlemanly feelings. No matter how wealthy someone is, self-centeredness can always mar it. Also, I suppose Tip #10 can be connected if one is willing to “give away” a bit of ones jobs and responsibilities to mentor someone else thus enlarging ones influence. Thank you for a thoughtful list! I’m reflecting over your Bonus tip…
Dear Mr. Sven,
It’s a coincidence that I am just about to turn 34 when reading your lines, and I can wholeheartedly agree to all of them, before all to point 4 and 8. Thank you a lot for this inspiring post, and may this gazette continue inspire for more years to come.
I’m 72 and I wonder what advice you would give your 34 year old self, once you reach my age. I’d wager it will be rather different in some respects. As Thomas Merton taught, before you spend your life climbing a ladder, make sure it is leaning against the proper wall.
Hey Sven, great tips!
You look very sharp- i’m wondering..what’s best to wear to a Barmitzvah? Last one I attended I wore a tux, (tails and all!) and am ridiculed to this day by friends and family for making this poor fashion choice. What do you recommend? Perhaps a blend of your signature style? Smart, but not too sharp/crevat/no crevat?
Long time reader!
Haha, fantastic read. I used to dress up in a 3 piece suits for family reunions, but my weird uncle would give me a belting for looking too ‘posh’ for them, looking into the future I am now a multi millionaire professional content producer and it’s all because my suit made me feel like a big man.
Thanks GG.
Am just moving 20 this year,
Thanks for this, really appreciated. I am opened to entrepreneur three years ago.And I have learnt many things from internet.Am involved in the Japanese craft of origami,which has fetched me more than #120,000.
Through it I gathered some cash to start up my bakery business, and many more..