Funerals are sedate, somber occasions, but did you know that many people often get their funeral attire wrong? But today, we’ve got you covered for your proper funeral attire. In this video, we’ll focus on things you shouldn’t wear to a funeral.
What Should You Never Wear To A Funeral
1. Anything Contrary To The Wishes Of The Host
Funerals are for the benefit of the bereft to remember the deceased on their terms. It is entirely possible, therefore, for the deceased, their families, or whoever hosts the funeral to have particular plans that are outside the traditional sartorial funeral conventions.
Some people don’t want dark clothing or suits worn at funerals because they want to project a happier, more carefree mood. So, if you are invited to a funeral that specifically requests a particular type of dress—whether that attire is a full funeral morning dress or Hawaiian shirts—respect the wishes of the hosts, even if that means breaking traditional funeral attire norms.
Funeral dress codes are intended to show that you respect the seriousness of the event and are respectful of the passing of the deceased, but if you are asked to show respect by adopting a different way of dressing, do so if you plan to attend.
Funeral Etiquette: What to Wear & How to Behave
2. Overly Casual Clothing
Unless you’ve been specifically instructed to wear them, there are just some items that are too casual to be worn at funerals. The formality typical of funerals conveys respect for the occasion and for the departed; dressing in clothing with insufficient formality will risk that you be perceived as not taking the occasion seriously.
What kind of clothing do we mean? Light wash jeans, open-toed shoes like sandals or flip-flops, T-shirts, sneakers, and athletic apparel, including joggers, jerseys, and sweatshirts, and leisure attire like pajamas and sport shirts.
Does wearing a dark suit versus a pair of pajama bottoms mean that your grief is any more or less genuine? No, but you aren’t the only guest at a funeral, and to be respectful, you should be cognizant of the wishes, feelings, and perceptions of others. If for no other reason than that, excessively casual attire can also be distracting at a funeral.
3. Distracting Attire
Unless you are a member of the deceased immediate family, a close friend, or involved in the proceedings, the funeral is not primarily about you, so don’t do anything that draws undue attention to yourself; instead, wear simple, respectful outfits that suit the sedate occasion. Even if a frock coat or tail coat was typical for society and funerals during the Golden Age of Menswear, wearing one today might risk overshadowing the purpose of the funeral, especially if no one else is wearing one.
4. Rarely Worn, Ill-Fitting, And Excessively Funeral Attire
Extremely dark, drab, depressingly black attire is usually associated with funerals. Because of traditional memorial practices, they prescribed the prominent wearing of black to indicate that the wearer was in mourning.
While historically, men might be in mourning for weeks, months, or even years, today, public mourning has a shorter duration, so a collection of black attire is no longer as critical. The fact of the matter is, because black is the most overrated color in menswear, it may not make sense for you to invest money and closet space for an all-black, mourning ensemble, especially if you only would wear it to funerals.
A black suit and black tie aren’t very versatile garments and can frankly be off-putting in their bleakness, and if you own clothes like these that you only wear at funerals, they are likely to appear flattened, stiff, and unnatural from storage. Instead, you can wear any dark suit with appropriately somber accessories to achieve the same effect as a black suit, all without sacrificing versatility.
A well-fitted, elegant dark navy suit will look more appealing at a funeral than a black suit that has been purpose-bought for that occasion, especially if it doesn’t fit and feels strange to you. If you own a comfortable, well-fitted black suit that you enjoy, obviously, you should feel free to wear it, but do not feel that you need to buy and wear a black suit all in order to attend a funeral.
5. Boldly Bright and Vibrant Colors
While extremely drab a tire is no longer mandatory for funerals, the perception of extremely bright, whimsical, or gaudy colors could lead others to think that you’re not taking the proceedings seriously.
Unless you are in a hot climate, light-colored blue, gray, tan, brown, or cream suits are commonly associated with garden parties, resorts, and the beach and are, therefore, incongruous with a funeral setting. If you’re seen in such a suit, it could be assumed that you are disrespectful to the realities and expectations for the funeral.
Similarly, unexpected flashes of bright colors like white soles on dress sneakers, neon pink or green socks or pocket squares, and larger garments like shirts, dress pants, or jackets in loud colors are not typical of funerals, so wearing them could be perceived as mockery or an insult or will, at the very least, be distracting because it is so novel.
Use Colors Consciously
Being respectful doesn’t mean you have to dress yourself all in shades of gray. Utilizing the formality scale, you can craft sedate, elegant outfits that fully convey your sense of respect without appearing drab or depressing. You can even add some bright or light colors as details within your outfit if you get the tone correct like muted warm pink, mustard yellow, and sky blue—although not as a major garment like your trousers or your jacket.
Being mindful of the colors appropriate to a funeral will ensure that your outfit doesn’t send the wrong message or distract others.
6. High-Contrast Combinations
Distractions can also be created by elements that might not be individually distracting but can become distracting in tandem with other pieces. For instance, a pair of white khakis, when worn with a dark gray blazer, creates a high-contrast look with two bulks of radically different colors. It’s more suited to a Mediterranean vacation than a funeral.
A gray suit in this color would be completely appropriate, as would khakis in a more neutral tone, but paired dramatically to create a contrasting effect, they’re simply too distracting and casual. In this guide, we show you how to create a variety of exceptional, combinational looks. But, for funerals, stick to colors in tones and shades to maintain a decorous, respectful look.
Blazers + Jeans Outfit Ideas
Be aware that even formally correct combinations that are loud or bold will also detract from the somber air of the occasion. Overly casual or obtrusive patterns, busy dress shirts, prominent jewelry, or whimsical elements are classic and fun ways to attract the eye on other occasions but aren’t appropriate for funerals.
As you aren’t there to be the center of attention, therefore, you should instead keep patterns small and simple or solid shirts in sedate colors, like white, cream, and blues, and avoid any fun or engaging accessories or designs. This could attract another’s attention.
Bold contrast looks are ideal for times when you want to craft a memorable outfit, but are not in keeping with the nature of a memorial service, which is about remembering someone else.
7. Branded or Logoed Clothing
Increasingly, even dressy attire has become plastered with logos and brands, but these displays have no place at a funeral. This issue is especially likely to come up if you wear a sweater, polo shirt, or more casual attire. It tends to have more prominent branding than suits and dress shirts with recognizable logos and slogans because they are, after all, examples of advertising, and they will usually distract and drag others out of a respectful, contemplative mood.
You probably wouldn’t want a commercial played at your funeral, and that’s essentially what prominent branding is, so keep branded attire to a minimum or ideally avoid it completely.
Similarly, you should avoid any clothing that has written words, slogans, or phrases, unless they are a feature of the funeral. Slogans are rarely conducive to a respectful environment, and the natural human inclination to read and consider the written word means that the writing could prove very distracting to others.
8. Uncomfortable Clothes Within Reason
Depending on the nature of the funeral that you are attending, you could potentially be making a multi-hour commitment between wakes, the funeral service, and any graveside services; you could be taking part in several different celebrations of life in very different circumstances, settings, and climates.
During these protracted events, you don’t want to be uncomfortable; it will take you out of the moment, and your fidgeting, adjusting, and shifting around could do the same to others and disturb them. But, your comfort must be balanced by the expected decorum of the occasion, so don’t default to inappropriate, super plush clothing.
Well-fitted and appropriately sized, a dress shoe can be as comfortable as a sneaker, and even a full suit with seasonally correct fabric and weight can be as pleasing as a windbreaker—all while conveying a dignified air more suitable to a funeral.
To ensure comfort, avoid buying any new, substantive garments for the funeral and only wear items that are broken in and that you know are comfortable. A funeral is not the place to test a new pair of leather shoes, so for your benefit and everyone else’s, plan out your ensemble to satisfy the expected decorum while also being as practical as possible.
The First 5 Dress Shoes You Need to Start a Shoe Collection
9. Anything Precious, like Fragile or Stainable Fabrics
When planning your outfit, take into account what you will be doing and how likely it is to stain or damage your clothes. For a funeral ceremony that takes place outside, like a graveside service, don’t wear velvet slippers that can’t touch dirt. Your menacing around the grave site, obviously worried about stains, will give the impression that you care more about the state of your shoes than the proceedings, which can be distracting and potentially insulting.
Simple Black Dress Shoes
A pair of black shoes will look appropriate and are easy to clean, allowing you to concentrate on the ceremony. If food is offered at a funeral, it is often served standing, buffet style. Stains are a distinct possibility in this awkward eating position, so keep that in mind if you’re planning to wear your cashmere trousers or silk white dress shirt.
We’re not saying that you cannot wear fine garments to funerals; we are saying that you should assume the possibility that they could become stained or damaged, and if this happens, you must be polite, understanding, and discreet. Without any fuss, excuse yourself, if you are able to do so, and pretreat the stain in the bathroom. If you can’t leave, unobtrusively wipe up any excess stain with your pocket handkerchief and proceed with the funeral until you can be excused.
During the funeral, your clothes should be one of the last things on your mind, so don’t let them distract you or others by wearing items that you are terrified of dirtying or soiling.
Conclusion
We hope that by warning you of what you should not wear to one, you will have one less thing to worry about during the time of grief.
Outfit Rundown
So, today, I’m wearing a light gray suit with brown dress shoes and a red-and-white striped dress shirt, along with Fort Belvedere socks, and wearing a Roberto Ugolini fragrance, 17 Rosso.
The need for this article is proof that people are lacking in common sense and a sense of respect.
You’re right. As a wise man once said, “Common sense is not so common”.
Quite simply, when attending a funeral it is not about YOU. Also with wearing a poppy. It is not about YOU. So don’t be wearing a large one, an extravagant one or any of those that make yourself stand out. Including poppy’s for the front of cars that are the size of a bass drum!
I speak from my experience in my country, in Spain, following the customs of the European continent. I have never dressed in a black suit to go to a funeral of someone close to me or my own family. For my family, I wear a gray or dark gray suit, with a white shirt and black tie, with a white handkerchief sticking out in a rectangular shape. The shoes, of course, black and formal. Never brown shoes. This is more than enough. For close friends, a navy blue jacket, white or light blue shirt and navy blue tie or another dark shade but never black. Gray pants and black shoes. For somewhat more distant funerals, for engagement, a discreet-colored jacket, gray pants, a light blue shirt, and a discreet but not excessively dark-colored tie. Black shoes (for example Tassell) or very dark brown.
Thank you for this article. A good review and reminder for everyone. I’m a traditionalist, so either black or dark navy suits are my go to.
A charcoal grey suit would be good too, right?
Absolutely.
Which is why Kyle’s outfit for this video is mind boggling. You’d think the presenters would don outfits that in some way reflect the theme or topic of the video. A light grey suit without a tie?? If one is wearing a turtleneck under a suit, I understand going tieless but a white dress shirt and no tie? It screams of laziness (I couldn’t be bothered putting on a tie; putting on the suit and dress shoes was sufficient effort) or sheer forgetfulness (I walked out of the house having accidentally forgot to put on my tie.)
As Kyle is typically only able to clear a spot in his busy schedule to film once or twice a month, we have to squeeze in a few videos with Kyle when we can. So, Kyle films whichever videos he’s able to when we have him in the studio. It would be unfair to ask him to bring his whole wardrobe of clothing to fit every video he may or may not film when he’s in the studio!
hi,
I also have to mention that there is also a cultural aspect to dressing for a funeral. The gar east cultures refer white as a symbol of death, so wearing a black suit to a funeral of that culture would be disrespectful
Generally I agree with your recommendations; and these are in the main spot on, although many should be obvious. But I guess they are not. One area of humble disagreement is with the ties. I think the best tie for a funeral is a solid or modestly patterned black tie, of something in midnight blue, such as a grenadine.
What does the caption (written under Kyle wearing a grey suit) mean?
“What Kyle is wearing would be suitable for a more casual or more formal funeral.”
Good point David, that wasn’t too clear! We’ve updated the caption – thanks for your keen eye :)
I don’t know if other gentlemen experience this, but I often find it hard to not be distracting at funerals. Not because what I am wearing is to bright or flashy, but because I am almost always the only person, out side of the funeral director or clergymen, even wearing a suit and tie at all. I just can’t go to such a somber event in jeans and sneakers like everyone else does. It goes against everything I was raised to believe in.
Preach it, brother. Sad state of affairs when wearing a suit to appropriate occasions (funerals, weddings, graduations, etc) is so uncommon and strange to so many people.
I’m certainly not gonna stop doing it, though. It’s how I was raised, and how I’m raising my boys.
If anyone should wear a hoodie or jeans to MY funeral, I would see to it that their decision will haunt them for a very long time.
I remember when I went to my Great Grandma’s funeral, there was a cousin of mine. He was wearing a gold necklace with a pig on it, because he’s in the local hog industry. Even though I was young, I thought that was a bit tacky to wear to a funeral lol.
If my Great Grandma was still alive, she would’ve whooped him for wearing that to her funeral!