Etiquette is often seen as a rigid set of outdated rules, but at The Gentleman’s Gazette, we view it differently. True etiquette evolves with society and centers on respect, making others feel comfortable and valued. Yet, some behaviors labeled as polite today are actually etiquette myths: habits once expected but no longer necessary.
We’re here to clear up seven such myths — practices you don’t need to feel obligated to follow — without compromising genuine respect.
Social Interactions
Myth 1: You Must Always Shake Hands
Shaking hands is a traditional sign of respect, but skipping it is no longer inherently rude. Cultural, religious, or health reasons often justify declining a handshake.
If you prefer not to shake hands, politely say so:
“I’m sorry, I never shake hands, but it is so lovely to meet you!”
If you do shake hands, ensure it’s a confident but not overpowering grip.
Myth 2: Always Let the Other Person Go Through the Door First
Holding the door is polite, but you don’t need to stand awkwardly inside to let others go first, especially if the door swings outward. It’s perfectly acceptable to step through first and hold the door from the other side.
8 Etiquette Mistakes You Make DAILY
Myth 3: Men Must Always Give Up Their Seat to Women
Offering your seat is courteous, but no longer strictly gendered. Prioritize offering your seat to those who genuinely need it, regardless of gender, including the elderly, the disabled, or anyone struggling to stand. Avoid dramatics; simply stand and offer with a polite, discreet gesture.
Outfit Rundown
In today’s outfit, I’m wearing a relatively casual outfit featuring a cardigan sweater in tones of blue and gray. It’s worn over a shirt with a micro grid pattern in light blue and black on a white background. The shirt has a spread collar and simple barrel cuffs to fit easily under the sweater sleeves.
My trousers are medium gray and also feature an exceptionally small grid pattern, harmonizing with the shirt. My shoes are suede derby shoes from the brand Heinrich Dinkelacker, in a similar gray tone.
Rounding out today’s outfit are my two-tone shadow-striped socks from Fort Belvedere in light blue and gray, along with a fragrance from the Roberto Ugolini collection—Blue Suede Shoes. While the shoes themselves aren’t actually blue, they are suede, and the blue tones appear elsewhere in my outfit.
For the socks, fragrance, corduroy trousers, and a wide array of other classic men’s accessories from the Ugolini collection, take a look at the Fort Belvedere shop here.
Visiting & Hosting
Myth 4: Always Take Off Your Shoes When Entering a Home
Shoe removal customs vary widely by culture, climate, and household preferences. Follow your host’s lead or ask:
“Would you prefer I keep my shoes on or off?”
If unable to comply, explain discreetly why and trust your host’s understanding. Consider carrying slippers for homes with shoe-off policies.
How To Be A Good Houseguest Or Host
Dining Etiquette
Myth 5: You Must Clink Glasses With Everyone Present
Clinking glasses is a longstanding tradition, but it’s fine to skip it if impractical or intrusive.
When you can’t reach someone, simply make eye contact, smile, and raise your glass as a respectful alternative.
Some cultures even consider clinking unnecessary, showing how this custom is evolving.
Myth 6: All Food Must Be Eaten With a Knife and Fork
While formal dining traditionally uses cutlery for most foods, many dishes today are designed to be eaten by hand. Feel free to eat foods like pizza, ribs, or burgers with your hands if others do the same. Using cutlery or hands is also acceptable, simply choose what feels natural and respectful.
How to Eat with Fork & Knife
Myth 7: Never Take the Last Piece of Food
Reserving the last morsel of food out of politeness is common, but this well-meaning habit can cause perfectly good food to go uneaten. A study reveals that a fear of social awkwardness and a desire for politeness often prevent guests from taking the last piece, inadvertently contributing to food waste.
Avoid prolonged “after yous”
If you want the last piece of food, wait briefly for others to speak up, then accept it graciously if no one else claims it. If simultaneous offers occur, offer it first to the other person, but politely accept the morsel if your companion insists. Remember, food is made to be enjoyed—don’t feel guilty about finishing what’s left.
Conclusion
By shedding these outdated etiquette myths, we embrace a modern, sincere politeness focused on respect and comfort. It’s less about following rigid rules and more about thoughtful consideration of others.
Did we miss any etiquette myths? Share your thoughts in the comments—we’re eager to hear from you.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is etiquette?
Strictly speaking, etiquette refers to the conventional code of polite behavior in society. Ultimately, however, etiquette helps us to modulate our behavior so that we conduct ourselves among others in a way that cultivates mutual comfort, respect, and appreciation.
Isn’t etiquette just a bunch of stuffy rules?
No, it is not. While historical etiquette conventions, like leaving behind calling cards or bowing in the street, may not apply today, contemporary etiquette is alive and well and encourages all of us to behave toward each other in a respectful and civil manner.
What are some examples of contemporary etiquette?
Essentially, any social behavior intended to make others feel respected. Examples include writing “Thank You” cards after receiving a gift, holding a door open for a passing stranger, or having a polite manner when speaking on the telephone.
What are etiquette myths?
Etiquette myths are behaviors that are believed to be obligatory in order to be polite, but in fact are not. These myths have developed for many reasons, sometimes out of misunderstandings, or changing social norms, or due to inflexibility.
More Etiquette Guides
Cell Phone Etiquette for the Modern Gentleman
Master the art of discreet and respectful phone use in social and professional settings.
Funeral Etiquette: What to Wear & How to Behave
Navigate the sensitive aspects of funeral customs with grace and respect.
Wedding Guest Etiquette: DO’s and DON’Ts
Discover how to look sharp and behave appropriately as a wedding guest.
Hats, caps, headwear, when to doff, tip or remove. Ignored or confusing for most wearers.
Chuck, it’s easy to know when to tip, or remove your hat. tip your hat when meeting a lady in public outside.
Entering any building or home or place public or private or place of worship remove your hat or whatever you have on your head. That’s the rule, very simple.
This is why we covered the topic in a previous instalment!
I learned these old rules a long time ago and still adhere to them. I have always considered them good manners. Stay dapper everyone!
A dapper day to you, too!