8 Etiquette Mistakes You Make DAILY (& How to Avoid Them)

Being a gentleman in the modern day no longer requires governing your life by outdated social norms. However, putting forth an effort to make others feel appreciated and comfortable remains a hallmark of modern gentlemanly behavior and the most important aspect of etiquette. But you could be making etiquette mistakes every day and not even realize it! We’ll run down common ones and how to avoid them.

A quick note here that today’s guide is about everyday etiquette situations. For special occasions, you can consult our party and wedding guest etiquette guides.

8 Daily Etiquette Mistakes

1. Appearing to Ignore Others

Showing respect to others has always been a central component of good conduct, and few things are less respectful than ignoring those around you. This issue is especially common when you’re being addressed. After all, if you’ve got something to say, you probably expect others to pay attention to you. Therefore, it’s equally important that you pay attention to others when they’re speaking.

Staring off into the middle distance, handling or checking your phone, or appearing to lose track of the conversation will make it clear to your interlocutor that you’re ignoring them and, therefore, not respecting what they have to say.

On that note, conversations offer a whole host of politeness pitfalls, but you can learn how to avoid more of these by consulting our guide on 10 Conversational Mistakes.

2. Talking on Speakerphone While in Public

Conversely, to our last point about not being a member of a conversation, this etiquette point has to do with making everyone else an involuntary participant in your conversation. When you’re in a public space, you should moderate your tone to accommodate the circumstances.

With smartphone speaker phones, not only is the voice of your conversational partner being electronically projected, especially if you’ve got your volume set to max, but you’re likely to be speaking more loudly as well in order to make sure that your voice reaches the receiver and to talk over any outside or crowd noise.

It’s almost like the speakerphone wasn’t designed to be used in public spaces! So, while it isn’t impolite to simply speak on your phone in most public settings, it is impolite to use your phone in a distracting way, such as having your speakerphone blasting.

3. Misunderstanding Door-Holding Etiquette

You may have heard that as a gentleman, one is obligated to hold doors open for ladies, but in the modern day, this convention has been altered somewhat. While you shouldn’t assume that you must go out of your way to hold the door open for any woman or any person, you should hold the door open for anyone who needs it, regardless of gender.

This is a simple common courtesy if you find yourself in a situation where someone else would clearly benefit from having the door held open for them. Perhaps they’re carrying something cumbersome, they have small children with them, or you’re just conveniently positioned to be able to hold open the door.

Conversely, though, you shouldn’t go out of your way or make a big show to hold a door open for someone. The fact of the matter is that doubling back to hold a door open for a woman or anyone else can come off as affected and artificial.

Of course, if and when someone asks for a door to be held open for them, you should make every effort to accommodate them. So, hold doors open for everyone when it makes sense for you to do so, but don’t artificially insert yourself into a situation where you’re holding the door. After all, you’re not the doorman at the Ritz!

4. Not Introducing Yourself or Others

Meeting someone new or facilitating greetings between unacquainted friends is a great opportunity to spark up a fantastic conversation, but don’t skip over this crucial first step by forgetting to introduce the respective parties to one another.

Introductions ensure that all parties at least know how to address one another, and they can also provide context for the conversation. Believe it or not, there are many permutations to the correct order, phraseology, and tenor of introductions, but we cover all of this in our comprehensive guide to introducing yourself and others.

We will say here that whenever you’re being introduced to someone else, you should make an effort to stand to greet them, if you’re able, to prevent any awkward introductions to someone’s navel. Similarly, when greeting any acquaintance, it is usually nicest and most polite to stand or, at least, partially rise to greet someone, especially in more formal situations, like at a party or restaurant.

You should, however, read the room and use common sense when determining whether or not it’s necessary to rise for an introduction. If you’re casually watching football with friends, and someone new enters the room, you don’t need to spill your chips and salsa to cross the room and shake their hand. But when practical, greetings always seem much more pleasant when shared by standing individuals.

5. Misunderstanding Handshake Etiquette

Numerous social, cultural, and health factors have all contributed to the decline of handshaking as a greeting in the West. So, if you or anyone else prefers not to shake hands, that is perfectly acceptable in the modern day. If, however, you are greeting a group of people and you offer to shake hands with any one member of the group, then you should extend this offer and shake hands with every member of said group. This is because intentionally neglecting to shake someone’s hand is an obviously disrespectful and cutting action.

So, when shaking hands, extend your hand freely to everyone, but if someone politely declines to shake your hand, then respect their wishes as well. If you wish to learn even more about how to shake hands like a gentleman, then I’ll hand you the link to our full guide.

We will give you one bonus suggestion here, which is that, if at all possible, you should remove any gloves you’re wearing before shaking hands with someone. Traditionally, gloves were worn, at least partially, to protect the hands from the dirt and grime of the outside world. So, one would never presume to shake the bare hand of another with their own gloved hand. 

6. Unhygienic Conduct and Contact

Socially, we’re now increasingly aware of the impact that individual health can have on communal health. So, it’s definitely a breach of etiquette and basic good hygiene to engage in any behavior that spreads or seems to spread germs. Having just finished talking about shaking hands, we’re now especially mindful of the faux pas of sneezing directly into your hands. Not only does this risk spreading germs onto every surface you touch, but if someone observes you doing it, they’re likely to be put off, to say the least.

Accordingly, every time you cough, sneeze, belch, or do anything else that might spread germs, you should at least make an effort to do so into your elbow, or better yet, a handkerchief. In fact, a handy hanky is one of the seven products Kyle recommends to boost your own hygiene.

Few things are more impolite than making others sick, so practice good manners by practicing good hygiene.

7. Not Expressing Thanks

Etiquette centers around not only making others feel comfortable and respected, but also appreciated. So, when someone does you a good turn, the least that you can do is say “Thank you.” This could be in a simple and obvious setting like, for instance, saying thank you to someone who has held the door open for you, or it could be more personal, like thanking someone at work who has helped you with a project or thanking someone who has picked you up from the airport.

For some business and many social occasions, especially after being a guest at someone’s home or receiving a gift, the most proper thing you can do etiquette-wise is to give them a handwritten thank you note. A simple note is a thoughtful and considerate gesture that’s likely to make the host or gift-giver feel appreciated, especially as it’s becoming increasingly rare these days to do so. Thankfully, we can teach you how best to express your thanks in our guide to thank you notes and other written correspondence.

8. Being Too Much of a Sickler for Etiquette

We’ll close out our list by saying that it is possible to be too devoted to the rules of etiquette. By this, we don’t mean that you shouldn’t follow conventional and appropriate etiquette rules. After all, that’s pretty much what we’ve been suggesting throughout today’s entire video. But as we noted in several of our points, there are certain times and places where certain etiquette rules need not be enforced. Doing so in these situations might make others feel uncomfortable or disrespected, which is actually the opposite of what good etiquette should accomplish.

A stuffy and obsessive dedication to precise etiquette rules can come off as antiquated and unpleasant. Obviously, you should never use your knowledge of etiquette to belittle or mock others, and in very few situations, should you ever attempt to correct others’ etiquette in public. You should also refrain from insisting upon etiquette that is infeasible or incongruous with your current environment.

As an example here, if you’re a high school student in your cafeteria, standing and shaking hands with everyone who sits at your table will seem dramatic and unnecessary. Meanwhile, butting into a business conversation to introduce two people who are already talking to each other won’t accomplish anything and will interrupt the flow of the conversation already in progress.

As with most things in life, a little bit of introspection and common sense should guide you when it comes to how to behave around others. So, when you’re practicing good etiquette, you should be following the spirit, if not always, the letter of its conventions.

Of the etiquette mistakes we highlighted today, which one do you find most upsetting? Let us know in the comments below, and please keep things civil.

Outfit Rundown

Today, I’m wearing a smart casual outfit, good for a relatively informal outing, perhaps introducing friends. The main element is my medium blue cardigan sweater, which I’m wearing over a shirt from Charles Tyrwhitt, featuring a micro grid pattern of red and blue on a white background. The cardigan has an especially casual character, as evidenced by its two flapped patch pockets, and while the shirt does have French cuffs, I’m wearing simple black links, and I’ve got the cuffs configured in a barrel style to fit better under the sweater sleeves.

My trousers are plain brown, though they do feature a reddish undertone to harmonize with the red tones in my shirt, and for another casual touch, I’m wearing dark blue suede loafers. These are from Henry Stevens, which is the new mark from the Austrian brand Heinrich Dinkelacker. 

My socks are our shadow-striped models in navy blue and red, and the fragrance I’m wearing, for obvious reasons, is Blue Suede Shoes from the Roberto Ugolini collection. You can find the socks I’m wearing in today’s video, along with a wide array of other classic men’s accessories and other fragrances in the Ugolini collection, by visiting the Fort Belvedere shop.