We here at the Gentleman’s Gazette believe strongly in what it means to be a modern gentleman. That includes treating others with respect and dignity. Today, we’re going to talk about 18 things you should never say to a woman, and why saying these things is generally considered to be hurtful and wrong.
- You Should NEVER Say These To A Woman
- 1. “Are you pregnant?”
- 2. “When are you going to have children?”
- 3. “Is it that time of the month?”
- 4. “You look tired/sick.”
- 5. “Are you sure you want to wear that?”
- 6. “You shouldn’t wear so much makeup.”
- 7. “Are you sure you want to eat that?”
- 8. “You would be prettier if you smiled more.”
- 9. “You should feel lucky that you get free drinks when you go out.”
- 10. “You’re crazy!”
- 11. “It’s not a big deal.”
- 12. “Calm down. You’re being emotional.”
- 13. “Let me explain it so you can understand.”
- 14. “You’re very smart/well-spoken…for a woman.”
- 15. “You should ask my mom how to _.”
- 16. “I’m interested in a relationship,” (when you’re not).
- 17. “You knew I was like this.”
- 18. “You aren’t like other girls.”
- Conclusion
- Outfit Rundown
It helps to be aware of how cultural and social norms make it especially wrong for men to say these things to women. Awareness of this context will make you more considerate of all of your social interactions. Cultural taboos have defined conversations between men and women for millennia. Certain things were considered improper topics of conversation, usually centered around sexist assumptions of what women should or should not discuss.
You Should NEVER Say These To A Woman
Because they are improper, sexist, and harmful, saying these things will make you sound insecure, entitled, and controlling. Many of these things might even get you fired. Additionally, some of these statements feed into negative gendered stereotypes. They hurt the ability of every person to define who they are, regardless of gender.
1. “Are you pregnant?”
We could talk about the social, personal, or medical realities of childbirth. Women make complicated and introspective assessments of whether and when to reveal that they are pregnant. But, we don’t have to because whether a woman is pregnant or not is none of your business.
Therefore, you have no reason to ask about it. If she wants to share, she’ll bring it up.
2. “When are you going to have children?”
We could just refer to the above point, but we’ll emphasize that this loaded question supports the sexist assumption that all women do or should want to have children. Sexist conventions have often propped up to the impression that a woman exists to only have children.
When presuming to ask when a woman is going to have children, you’re playing right into this assumption. Once again, if a woman wants to share her reproductive plans with you, she will do so when she chooses.
3. “Is it that time of the month?”
Ovulation, menopause, and other hormonal cycles affect women differently. It’s insulting, juvenile, and ignorant to assume that any time a woman is having a bad day or is having strong emotions that it’s because of hormones. News flash: men also have hormones and they’re not that great at controlling them.
Would you want people to dismiss your feelings based on groundless beliefs about hormones? Saying things like, “He’s a teen. He does all his thinking in his pants,” or “He’s middle-aged. This is all just a mid-life crisis.”
Hormones affect everyone differently, but that doesn’t justify treating someone differently or making assumptions about their involvement in someone’s feelings.
4. “You look tired/sick.”
Frankly, you would never want to say to anyone “You look terrible today. Do you have the flu? The plague?” No one likes hearing that they don’t look their best. Chances are they’re perfectly aware of how they look. Unlike in the 15th century, people can afford mirrors.
Questions like these are especially galling for women. This is because society holds women to a much higher standard than men when it comes to personal public appearance. If you’re genuinely concerned about how someone is feeling, don’t express it by critiquing someone’s appearance.
5. “Are you sure you want to wear that?”
As men who like to dress well, you’ve probably received some unsolicited negative comments about your wardrobe choices. And was this helpful to you? We suspect not. So, don’t presume to tell others what they should or should not wear.
This question is more insulting when said by a man to a woman because it implies that a man is a much better judge of what a woman should be able to wear. If someone asks you your opinion on their look or is actively seeking advice, share it honestly and kindly.
6. “You shouldn’t wear so much makeup.”
Maybe you think by saying this you’re indicating that a woman is naturally beautiful. But, notice that what you’re actually saying is, “I know what’s better for you than you do.” How much or how little makeup a woman wears is her choice. Unless a woman specifically asks for your input, it isn’t your place to give it.
7. “Are you sure you want to eat that?”
Unless you are a medical professional providing dietary advice or a parent and selling the love of green vegetables, you have no place to tell anyone what to eat.
This is especially true when it comes to women as women are habitually subjected to unfair and unrealistic expectations regarding their eating habits. Not only does saying this implies that a man should control what a woman eats, but it also implies that the woman should conform to society’s unrealistic expectations. Focus your energies on your own good diet and trust that others will do the same.
8. “You would be prettier if you smiled more.”
Shall we strike this annoying suggestion because (1) it is unsolicited advice, (2) it props up unfair expectations about a woman’s public appearance, (3) it implies a man knows what’s best for a woman? Why not all three? And in fact, we’ll add a fourth reason.
This particular suggestion is commonly also used as a catcall. So, not only is it sexist but it’s also deeply jarring. A woman does not owe you a smile, nor does she exist to provide anyone something beautiful to look at.
9. “You should feel lucky that you get free drinks when you go out.”
The convention of buying a lady a drink was originally intended as a non-invasive way for a gentleman to express his interest without an introduction. But, some people assume that by buying a lady a drink they’re now entitled to a lady’s time. If a gift comes with a caveat of obligation, it is no longer a gift, it is a bribe, even a thinly veiled threat.
Free drinks are one of the many benefits that are allegedly assumed to be enjoyed by women on the dating scene. The fact of the matter is for every benefit women enjoy, there are just as many discomforts and risks.
A naïve assessment of free drinks assumes that all women should be grateful for this attention, regardless of whether or not the woman even wants to talk to the person who provided the drink.
Statements like these come from an entitled position that ignores the realities of dating for women. These statements aren’t clever nor are they incisive, but they will make you look self-absorbed and entitled.
10. “You’re crazy!”
This is another extremely dismissive and extremely insulting thing that you should never say to anyone. By implying that someone is insane or at least acting that way, you are now giving yourself permission to go ahead and dismiss everything that they have to say.
It’s especially insulting when leveled at women due to the lie that women are more mentally unstable than men, which is a lie that is deeply rooted in history. You don’t actually think that the person you’re speaking to is crazy because, by definition, you can’t reason with anyone who is insane.
Therefore, this insult can only be deployed to justify dismissing others. It should always be avoided regardless of the gender who’s being spoken to.
11. “It’s not a big deal.”
When someone says something is a big deal, it’s not your place to define whether or not it is. You don’t get to decide someone else’s perceptions or feelings. And when a man says this to a woman, he is implying that he, and not she, is the best arbiter of what is right. Therefore, this claim becomes not only insensitive but also deeply sexist.
12. “Calm down. You’re being emotional.”
Fundamentally, you have no right to police how anyone else feels. If they’re feeling emotions and are acting on them, they have every right to do so. This claim is meant to imply that the other person is being irrational and unreasonable. That’s not the same thing as experiencing one’s feelings, that is to say, being emotional.
When this accusation is brought from a man to a woman, it plays into the stereotype that women are inherently more emotional than men. Not only is this insulting to women, but it props up an assertion that men should not be emotional. A dangerous and wrong assertion that contributes to poor emotional health for men.
13. “Let me explain it so you can understand.”
Ah, the now-famous mansplaining! If you’re going to explain something to someone it is a given that you’re doing so with the intention of being understood. The only reason to explicitly state you’re doing so is to be demeaning by implying that you’re now dumbing things down.
This is wrong under any circumstances, but especially when said by a man to a woman. It implies that the man is innately more intelligent than the woman. When explaining anything to anyone, do it in a respectful and informative way.
14. “You’re very smart/well-spoken…for a woman.”
It doesn’t take much imagination to recognize how backhanded this statement sounds. It isn’t flattering to compliment someone’s abilities. And then, immediately, say that someone else by virtue of their sex alone might be superior.
This insult presumes that men are innately superior to women at a given task, and it’s quite impressive that the woman could even compare. There is simply no reason to draw comparisons like this, except to belittle a woman’s achievements. So, just don’t do it.
15. “You should ask my mom how to _.”
Just because your mother does something a certain way doesn’t mean it’s the only way. This suggestion not only implies that the woman you’re telling it to is doing something wrong, but it also sets up an awkward competition between the woman and your mother.
Also, you’ve effectively volunteered your mother to help someone out as opposed to offering to help yourself, as if it’s a task just for women.
If a woman is trying to do something, it isn’t helpful to say, “I know someone who can do that better.” If a woman asks for help in an area where you know your mother excels, you might politely suggest that the two swap ideas. Otherwise, offer to help yourself if you can.
16. “I’m interested in a relationship,” (when you’re not).
Obviously, you’re under no obligation to be in a relationship. But, you also cannot lie about said relationship because it is more convenient or beneficial for you. We hope it is patently obvious how egregiously wrong it is to lie about commitment to secure sex, but even in more benign circumstances, it is never okay to feign interest in a relationship.
When doing this, you’re playing with someone’s feelings and being manipulative. If you’re not ready to be in a relationship, say so even if it ends what you currently have. Pretending won’t make things better and it isn’t easier than just breaking up. As is usually the case in most human relationships, honesty is the best policy.
17. “You knew I was like this.”
Relationships are all about trust and compromise. As a relationship grows growth from those involved is expected. If a partner shares an opinion about your behavior, take it seriously. Do not dismiss your own shortcomings by claiming, “I’ve always been this way.” Knowing about a character flaw does not make it acceptable.
If you care about the relationship and trust your partner, listen honestly and openly to what is said. And you must be fundamentally open to change. If you don’t care about the relationship or trust your partner, why are you in the relationship?
18. “You aren’t like other girls.”
While everyone likes feeling special, the compliment is actually insulting. It implies that there is something fundamentally deficient about other women and that the woman receiving the compliment should feel grateful that she alone has been found worthy.
It also exacerbates a social construction that seeks to put women in competition with each other over everything. The respect, dignity, and appreciation due to all women are held up as a price due to be given out by a man to a woman of his choosing.
Hopefully, what someone giving this compliment is trying to express is, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,” or “You are extremely special to me.” So, if that’s what you mean, say that instead. It’s more personal, more meaningful, and doesn’t play into sexist stereotypes.
Conclusion
In summary, a gentleman should always treat everyone with respect and that includes, of course, the ladies. This isn’t a comprehensive list, but it does cover many of the most egregious examples that true a modern gentleman should avoid stating.
Outfit Rundown
I’m wearing a blue-and-white-checked button-up shirt and khaki pants with a Fort Belvedere belt and Fort Belvedere socks. And, of course, finishing off with white leather sneakers. And, of course, you can always find socks like these and other great accessories at the Fort Belvedere shop.
I applaud your efforts, but I also have to agree with Dave to a degree. Whatever advances and opportunities we enjoy, this is an angry, if not furious age; a man who spends his time worrying over the hypothetical offense will never say anything to anybody and thus cease to be a man. As for what not to say to a woman, in my experience such guidelines are primarily circumstantial. As Dave said, stick with clothes and aesthetics some of that work is excellent and in far shorter supply than yet another apology tour.
Cesare, thanks for weighing in. We have a robust content strategy and sometimes we add things that we believe are important. I remember a colleague once asking a women when she was due, and she wasn’t and the situation was so awkward that we wanted to make those video. Speaking ones mind can be a good thing, and I do it very often. Sometimes, it is better to ask yourself, what would be the kind thing to say…
Hi Cesare,
It’s not about worrying about hypothetical offence. As much as people don’t like to acknowledge this (wanting for men and women to be treated equally) there are key differences between men and women where saying one thing to a man might be considered okay or welcomed, a woman may not appreciate it. To get a clearer picture of why, I’d strongly recommend reading John Gray’s ‘Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars.’ For now, I’ll pick one of the above to address: #11 It’s not a big deal.
Fundamental difference between men and women: women often talk about problems to empathise with each other or to make themselves feel better. For years, I liken the latter to someone with gastro being able to vomit as a means of flushing the bug, which causes them to feel sick, out of their system. In contrast, men use talking to others as a means of finding a solution and sometimes to have a problem put into perspective or normalised. Ie. Men hearing others saying ‘it’s no big deal about X’ or ‘it’s no big deal – just do XYZ’ is regarded as a good thing. Whereas women regard it as someone brushing them off or not validating their rights to feel angry, hurt or whatever other labels they put to their feelings and emotions.
I do tend, however, to agree with you about circumstances. For instance, I’d never ask a woman in a professional context (job interview or workplace) about reproductive plans. Between friends, though, it’s normal to talk about existing families or family plans so for #2 I’d argue it’d be fine to ask if they’re keen to become parents or if they have other plans for the future. Eg. Concentrating more on careers, travel, etc.
Dave and Cesare are both spot on. This material is not what got you here.
Very true, and we regularly publish things that we know will not be a success, but we still do them because we believe they are worth being published. When you have over a million people consuming your stuff, some people will love it and others hate it, and everything in between. I hope you find more helpful stuff here than not, but we do not expect that everyone likes everything that we do.
No. 18 makes no sense at all. It’s like telling us never to say You’re not like other teachers/nurses/taxi drivers/tour guides, etc.
Perhaps I can elaborate and enlighten a little. I recognize that it is an often well-intentioned comment that is used to make a person feel special or different. But, when a compliment explicitly states that someone is desirable because they aren’t like everyone else, isn’t that just saying everyone else is inferior to that person? Statements like that serve to put down other women by the underlying message that her gender is bad, but she is different from the rest and that makes her worthy of respect. Considering women have been undermined and insulted for centuries, saying that one is likeable because they don’t act like “normal women” isn’t a progressive statement. It’s saying someone is special because they don’t act like a woman. Food for thought from a woman who is often the recipient of such comments…
A very strange post.
Your strong point is sartorial elegance – and not sycophantic chumming with the politically correct. What next? BLM?
Opposite side here. All three of you have good points — there is way too much “cancel culture” about — but to my mind, the GG team displays such great expertise in the realm of fashion that I am willing, even eager, to hear their opinions about other topics, such as etiquette and fine art. Besides, most of their suggestions here about what not to say to a woman fall into the category of what my Mom used to call “good manners,” and they apply equally to both (all?) genders. For instance, try asking me if I am really going to eat that corn dog and we, as we say in Brooklyn, will have a situation.
I agree with you.
Thank you for recognizing the things in the article for what they are: good manners. We women appreciate it.
Right on James.
Stupid article. I agree with previous commenters. I will say what I want, when I want, tempered by common sense and good manners. I reject this politically correct nonsense.
I think the comment says more about you, than the article.
If you so. It’s your website.
Gentleman‘s Gheyzette does its name justice.
Your comment evoques the German word of Fremdschämen in me, which means as much as secondhand embarrassment; to feel ashamed about something someone else has done; to be embarrassed because someone else has embarrassed themselves (and doesn’t notice).
Of all the copious and helpful content produced by Gentleman’s Gazette, I am very disappointed to say that this particular article stands out as a complete aberration. It is beyond idiotic, and was clearly written by someone who never learned by the age of 11 as to how to speak to a woman, let alone another adult. I just read it to my wife and it was good for an absurd laugh. Unfortunately, it’s not funny. I’m not sure if there was a shortage of content, but it was just very odd. And this is coming from a regular reader, and an extremely satisfied Fort Belvedere customer. You should be more aware that you cater to a more refined person – not socially inept dopes. This is the sort of article I would expect from some clueless online hack writer, not GG. Please stick to what you know and do best: extremely helpful style and fashion advice, as well as offering superb clothing and accessories.
I second this.
Dear Joe, thanks for the feedback. Yes, these are all things that one should have learnt before, however I have seen time and time again, that many men need help in this department. Not everyone is at the level you are at, and you can sit back and enjoy the fact that you do not need this. I am also sure you do not need a piece on how to dress like a gentleman on a budget, but it is our goal to not just satisfy the gentlemen and customers we have today, but also help the gentlemen of tomorrow.
A key point is whether you are talking about the workplace, a social function, a friends dinner party, idle chat in a bar, sitting next to somebody on a plane or strolling on a summer’s evening in Hyde Park.
Of course, context is king.
I like and appreciate the post.
Thanks for sharing that.
In some ways you’d think this list wouldnt need saying but having witnessed men and women use them then clearly some people dont get it. Some what reinforced by some of the comments on here; if you think this is some sort of ‘PC’ nonsense then I pity your acquaintances; none of these things need to be said to men or women; certainly not in the fashion represented in the examples which sadly are used.
I think it was an interesting article, a bit tongue-in cheek, but perhaps this can mean that we as society have lost good manners and the ability to have pleasant conversations without the you versus I playing card…
I would not want anyone to say these things to me, whether family, friend or stranger, so why would i say these things to my family. friends, or strangers….
Perhaps manners and etiquette should be part of basic education in the schools since it may not be taught at home.
You make some good points. I would say don’t just treat other like you want to be treated, but treat them the way they want to be treated. Raising my daughter right now, and being exposed to different kids of different parents really shows the fundamental role the parents play in the upbringing of a child. Not all are fortunate to have caring, smart and loving parents that can teach them everything they need later in life, so yes, a school curriculum would be something to think about.
Couldn’t agree more with some of the comments. This is pretty juvenile stuff. It should without saying that politeness is central to gentlemanliness. Time to get back to men’s apparel and leave the lessons in politesse to Miss Manners.
We have spoken about manners before, and not all posts are for the advanced gentleman. Style and being or becoming a gentleman is a journey.
I’ve been on the Gentleman’s Gazette mailing list for 3 years now, and this has been the worst piece of content by far. I signed up for the menswear advice, but it’s kind of hard to believe content as brain-dead as this one was made in the first place.
The channel always came about as a bit pretentious, but this was over the top. Stick to the menswear topics please.
So it took three years to get you to comment, wow. I think I will never truly understand people who are unhappy with something but don’t do anything about it, just complain.
There’s a simple uncomplicated solution: unsubscribe! I realise that the menswear advice is the main attraction for so many viewers but being GENTLEMAN’s Gazette, it’s not exclusively about clothing. Furthermore I’d like to point out that while dressing well is a form of etiquette in that it shows a mark of respect for oneself and those around them (especially those planning events with stipulated dress codes) it doesn’t define the man nor does it automatically classify them as a gentleman. In fact one of the first GG articles (maybe even the first) I ever read wasn’t about menswear but about being a gentleman: https://www.gentlemansgazette.com/gentleman-what-it-means-today/
I came across it when I was working on a creative piece and wanted to depict a male character as what I considered a to be something of a gentleman. I had a few preconceived ideas and interestingly a few were covered in the above link, especially about manners and etiquette. It also gave me further inspiration and ideas for this particular character that I wouldn’t have otherwise considered and has encouraged me to rethink my preconceived ideas of the concept of a gentleman. Feedback I’ve received about how I’ve depicted this character and his development has been very encouraging. While I haven’t liked or agreed with the content of every single piece on GG, reading that article has encouraged me to be more open minded about the variety of content available on the website rather than only wanting to see or read very specific topics.
I agree somewhat that this post is a little bit out of the ordernary for the “GG” post. However we men sometimes forget in our haste to take the time to actually “think” before we speak, and sometimes its nice to be reminded of that fact,and to say that its not right to mention it here is ok!! How, many men read “miss manners”? Maybe some should !! Why, not a different subject now and again? Does not hurt to read them. Maybe, just maybe you will rember something that your mother or sister told you about girls or women. So, enjoy the article and take it for what it is. Just a suggestion!
Very nicely expressed, Richard.
Well said Richard.
The one thing you should never say to a woman is “I do.”
Your life’s motto Adam, I know :). Thank you for consistently reading and commenting. I appreciate you.
I have no problem with this article .
Richard is spot on with his well written reply.
This article borders on being insulting.. Stick to clothing
I strongly believe in woke, BLM, &c., and feel contempt for the belligerent arrogance of those who don’t. Nonetheless, I agree with the negative comments here. I may want de haut en bas advice and explanation from experts who know more than I, in the case of The Gentleman’s Gazette, about clothing. This kind of article, by contrast, is more like a neutered form of mansplaining, expatiating where you’re as much an amateur as I, and where your confident dicta are either trite or dubious.
Look, we have done pieces on the first 3 dress shoes to buy, or how to dress like a gentlemen on a budget. The vast majority of people come here by finding us through a search, and if they like what they read, they come back, and if not, they don’t. In any case, different people are at different stages of their style and etiquette journey. You seem to know where you are at so I am surprised you read something that you know is not for you.
I have been receiving newsletters from GG for a while.
I will advise that GG should stick to fashion and etiquette posts rather than posts on women/ladies.
Of course articles like this belong on Gentleman’s Gazette—being a gentleman is far more about manners than clothing. While most readers may not need guidance on how to behave with greater consideration, some do, and I’m glad that the men of GG are giving them food for thought. I didn’t find the article suffered from trendy PC-speak; all the points Kyle makes would have held true 50 or 100 years ago.
Agree.
Please stick to menswear and drop the PC garbage
Read Mark above – nothing new here.
Dear Dan, I am surprised to hear these words from you.
I read topics of interest and ignore others. It’s easier to remain calm.
Well said. I’ll file this in my “Quotes to live by” folder.
Exactly my point.
As one of the handful of women who is a regular consumer of these articles and videos (I belong to a number of literary societies that are male-oriented and male-dominated, so understanding classic gentlemen’s culture is helpful), I want to applaud you for writing such an article. I enjoyed a male-oriented source recognizing that saying, “you’re being emotional” to a woman props up the lie that men shouldn’t be. And you also touched on it, but I would have liked if you had gone a little deeper on asking men to reflect on why they think that women exist to beautify the scenery and how it reduces women to set dressing/accessories as opposed to humans with agency. It’s not PC: It’s treating women as human beings worthy of the same respect given to men. Men need to hear these things from male-oriented sources — to show that it is not just women who notice that the things mentioned in the article are out-of-line and off-base. So, thank you.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment Monica.
IMHO, which of course, doesn’t mean a hill of beans, for a lot of the posters on this subject, their next date will be their first.
I don’t blame Kyle. GG has lost the way. None of the four posts linked on the front page has any connection with it, bearing in mind that the vast majority of men wear neither flowers nor bowler hats
It’s the Gentleman’s Gazette not Florrie’s Gazette after all.
Reasonable people can disagree and I see merit to both sides taken here. For me the key take away, talk LESS. In today’s rapid fire, uber connected world, people of all walks become seduced by the ease of technology to always have a comment. About everything..! Thinking back, many of the guys I thought were truly classy rarely rambled or fell all over themselves insisting everyone drop everything to get their take. That’s not to say you have to sit there like a wallflower when someone is on the attack or topics arise where you actually ARE an expert.
But I do have a problem w/ #8 on smiling. Firstly, it’s true of anyone! In its stead I’d offer, “tell me what I can DO to see MORE of ‘that’ expression!?” Vice treating humankind’s most treasured non-verbal as something to be avoided at all cost!
Thanks for weighing in, despite the content of the comment.
This is actually my first post, and I felt compelled to comment. From the response to Kyle’s article, it is clear that Gentleman’s Gazette has struck a nerve among its true devotees, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The spirit of debate and respectful disagreement is what brings about true change for the better. In this instance, I think part of what challenged those of us who are committed, regular followers were confused by the obviously contrived nature of the article. I wholeheartedly agree with the Joe/GG post and his assessment on what would appear to be a shortage of material. However, there is such an abundance of content out there on style and fashion, it is understandable how people reacted negatively to this piece. Kyle is without question a stylish gentleman who embraces the bespoke. It might be nice to hear more about his background and how he became involved in the pursuit of style, as opposed to the misdirected piece above. As a frequent follower of the site and purchaser of Fort Belvedere’s very fine accessories, I think this article fell short because you have to know your audience – this is not an unsophisticated group here. This article was negatively reviewed not because it is in fact all 100% accurate, but because of the recipients. The Gazette is for the solid man who wants to get better at what it means to be a man – and naturally that doesn’t just mean how you to wear your pocket square. Therefore, why not an article on forms of etiquette that seem to be very sadly fading – like how to lead a woman to a restaurant table; how and why to stand when a lady leaves and returns to the table; or what to say to a lady – as opposed to what not to say. I would bet you that Kyle could write a brilliant article on these things, as they would be gentleman-affirming expressions of what this site is all about. I think the negative “not to do” theme took away from the true message. I also think Kyle could bring a very fresh perspective if he wrote from the viewpoint of his own personal experiences. Keep it authentic! Please just feed your audience with the nourishment they expect, instead of a more contrived piece that is not a true reflection of the refinement that you embrace and share with us. Please continue your good work!
Dear Gerard, thanks for being a customer and for weighing in. We try to speak to many customers and understand what kind of person we attract, and which we detract. Our data tells us a lot of different people come here for different reasons, and our customer base, as well as our readers, is broad.
You are spot on about authenticity though, and we will try to tease more of that out from Kyle. Thank you for your thoughtful comment and for your continued support!
When are you doing the companion article about “What Women Are Not Allowed To Say”?
Never, I would guess… social media would tear you to pieces…
I know you don’t agree but many of your readers think that GG should stick to clothes. Instead of telling them that they are wrong how about letting them have their own opinion?
Hi Simon,
Good point – the same way there are things men say to women that raise their dander, women say things to men that in turn raise their dander. Maybe when someone creates a Lady’s Gazette with etiquette for women and what it means to be a lady? Lol. Given it’s not on the cards for Raphael, here’s a list of potential women to approach to pitch the idea to: https://www.gentlemansgazette.com/classic-style-for-women/
Thanks for the link, but I’m not actually interested in telling anyone (male or female) what to say. People can make their own decisions about that.
I see the sarcasm went right over your head
Congratulations to Kyle and GG for initiating such a necessary, thoughtful, and meaningful exploration of some of the most commonly encountered gender biases/sexist remarks. I hope that in spite (or perhaps just because) of the defensiveness and contempt expressed by some, you will continue to provide such opportunities. As a human rights writer/activist, psychotherapist, and mother of a teenager who reads your posts almost on a daily basis, I can attest that your audience doesn’t consist only of those who have nothing left to learn or are solely interested in social etiquette and clothing, but also of people willing to critically examine their values, beliefs, biases, cultural determinism, behaviors, etc., and enjoy diverse/novel perspectives and viewpoints, even if they may conflict with their own.
There is great merit in talking about fairness and equality, from my perspective. Those with a distaste for the topic are of course free to ignore it. However,I would think it would be more “gentlemen-ish” if they didn’t dismiss the need to learn more of those who do appreciate such topics, and respectfully allow GG to extend its repertoire into the “politically correct garbage” for those “less than” gentlemen and ladies who may aspire to become more.
Very well said, Ingrid!
Thank you for your kind words, Ingrid!
Some readers are upset because the content of these article hit the nail very precisely.
In my opinion a gentleman is more than clothing. Manners and the knowledge about manners are fundamental for being a gentleman, the clothing is the visual difference. Please don’t forget even if you are dressed like a gentleman and your manners are the bottom you are not a true gentleman. In fact than you are a clown who cartoons a gentleman in the worst possible way. If its only about clothing the person is nothing more than a doll.
Take a view around you and you know how many people don’t care about manners. Basic manners like “please” and “thanks” are without word. These words are “normal” but too normal to say because these nice words are without profit.
Please dear Gentlemen’s Gazette-Team enlighten people who want to know the meaning of a true gentleman (manners and clothing).
Thank you, these article is a dream to reflect on ones own behavior. Above someone noted: this is something your mother told you not to say. The mother is right, even as a lady I would not say these. Early education appear to be luck.
I am sorry, if someone feels insulted.
An opinion that does not agree with yours does not need correcting. Sven makes some good points. Manners are there to make other people feel comfortable around you. Treating women, or that fact, anybody be that even a friend with respect and understanding isn’t some form of political correctness gone mad. It is just good manners. As Swen said, if this subject isn’t for you, just move on. You don’t have to correct everybody on the internet, it is just a forum. Leave this ‘stay in your own lane’ comments for someone else who has to change the world to their view. You know your mind.
Personally I did not mind the article and will take some of it on board. Keep up the good work Sven and the team at Gentleman’s Gazette.
The amount of men in these comments who seem to think that treating women with respect (and being aware of the sexist comments we often receive) amounts to “political correctness gone mad” is disappointing but not surprising. No matter your style of dress, if you approach me on the street and tell me “you would be prettier if you smiled more” you are certainly no gentleman!
Agreed 100%.
An article that makes some very good points. However, I do believe that point 17 is not spot on. It may be that certain beliefs and preferences are too ingrained to be open to change. “I am not interested in having children” or ” I support X party” or “I am not a member of this religious group and will not change”, are not character flaws which should be modified, they are simply part of the personality. If one cannot be accepted for who they are, it may be time to move on to another relationship with no ill feelings. Let’s not fall into the PC or woke trap of ” Do you realize that you should be offended, no?, then let me tell you why you should be and let’s get on the bandwagon and change it!”